The Inner Fitness Blog
Inner strategies for creating a great life.
Divorce Requires Emotional Muscle and a Good Self-Care Plan
Dear Tina, I know I have something left to clear & I can't put my finger on whatever it is. I know it holds me back. All I can think is that maybe it's because deep down I don't think I'm worth it. Or I have a rejection issue. Strange as I've sold (real estate) for 18 years & rejection never ever bothered me! Anyway, the last 3 yrs have really knocked my confidence. I'm transitioning through from a victim to a survivor. I didn't realize that until the other day: I've had to deal with a passive aggressive & narcissist (ex biz partner & father to of my children) since the split 3 years ago. It's horrid. I have to believe I'm worth it, that I have the skills someone would pay for etc. When I sit and think about it all, I think of course I have, but you know how it is. I love it that you're doing a movement. Sylvia
Sylvia, you MUST read my book! Really! There are a number of comments you make here that “The Little Book of BIG LIES” can support you through.
But today, let’s, TOGETHER, look at a couple of possible Inner Fitness choices that build emotional muscle, and support self-care. In fact, walking through challenging feelings TOGETHER is a great AND smart Inner Fitness practice, and should be part of any self-care plan. Practice #14 in The 14 Practices of Inner Fitness says, From this point forward, I cultivate social connections where I feel safe, seen and heard. Well Sylvia, I hear you, see you, and I’m here to support you. So thanks for reaching out.
As for your comment, “…maybe it's because deep down I don't think I'm worth it,” doubt about our worth and capabilities come with being human. Here's where self-parenting skill is important. Doubts are no big deal if they roll in like an emotional wave and wash back out. We all experience this. But if you hyper-engage with doubt -- focus on it, and begin to believe the stories it tells you -- doubt can turn into big scary feelings that loom, overwhelm and, like an ocean wave, wipe you out. To grow and practice Self-care, here are two Inner Fitness choices you can make when your mind is being seduced by doubt: 1) CREWW up. CREWW is my acronym for constructing and practicing a powerful and accurate way of viewing yourself. CREWW is a reminder to your “small” self that your true nature is not small at all. It is Creative, Resilient, Empowered, Whole, & Worthy (CREWW). Contemplate this idea. There is power in it. Actually it is impossible to refute. 2) Acknowledge but don’t indulge your feelings. Practice #13 says, From this point forward I recognize that I am more than my thoughts and my feelings, and not every thought or feeling needs to be indulged. If doubt has you questioning your worth don’t engage those thoughts. Let them pass right on through. Focus instead on either of the above Self-care practices.
Sounds like you are aware that you lost sight of your Self in your marriage, and that you are finding your way back home…safe inside of your Self. Good for you. Your task in the care of your inner Self is to do the work necessary—build emotional muscle—to get back on track. Shower your Self with the love of a great parent or friend.
Build a toolbox and Self-care plan that can help you meet the hurts, dramas, traumas, upsets and disappointments that come with life. When you have good tools and community, and a passion for living your best life, you can THRIVE—no matter what life throws your way. Sylvia, my friend, you are more than a survivor. You are a bold and courageous THRIVER!!! I encourage you to applaud all that you’ve discovered as you make your way back to your Self.
Remember: Physical fitness creates a great body. Inner Fitness creates a great life!
Let’s be well,
(Tina Lifford stars on the NBC hit show "Parenthood" as Renee Trussell. Her commitment to Inner Fitness dates back to the 2nd grade. Her book "The Little Book of BIG LIES" has made it the Amazon Bestseller's List three times. It is 14 stories that are a life course in healing.)
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